Note to Myself: I guess I still care…

It’s been a week now since pqy “going” official separate ways… I felt like s*** and miserable inside & outside. But because of you, because we have agreed to be “friends” from now on – it seems I can still face the next morning and even trying to “smile”. 

For the “outside world” – I seem to be absolutely fine. And thanks god that I am a girl – I can wear “heavy” make-up to make myself look “fresh” and presentable every day even with “healthy rosy cheeks” on each side *lol*I think the main reason why I still have the energy to play “everything is OK with me” to the outside world is because we haven’t lost each-other!! 

And I am so grateful that I still have you – I think if I had lost you/ pqy completely, I wouldn’t have the energy to be that “strong” for the outside world.

But inside…

qq – I love you. Even though you said our “status is free” now. It hurts when you said this but at least you haven’t locked me out from your life...

Today, we have exchanged each-other’s picture. I was sooo exciting to see your picture. My heart was beating when I saw your picture. I know you said “you are not that hand-some guy in this universe” – but for me – you are the only one that can make my heart beat. For me you are très 性感 *blushing* especially when I see you shirtless *hahaha* like the one time when I was back in your car in BJ – I still can remember you wear black trousers and a dark purple shirt. You know that dark purple colour suit you? You said it’s too hot and you open a few buttons from your shirt *hahaha* My heart was beating sooo fast back then – have you ever noticed/ heard that :p

Ahhhh – I really don’t know what do to… but I think being in a “free status” is good for us both, right? At least I don’t get mad – if I don’t receive any text message from you or with no real conversation content or with a huge delay in reply...

You know that Will & Kate got their baby a few days ago… they seem so endless happy & endless in love. But did you know that they had their break-ups as well? But their true love proved that they can follow a split!! Maybe we too? I don’t know… but as I said if we get together this time – I can feel that this will last!! 

Maybe it’s good to give us time & space and less pressure & control?

We both don’t know what to expect for the future – tomorrow is really a mystery. We can guess, plan but never without “100%” guarantee & safety...

I saw the sadness, worry and pressure in your eyes today (and it made me almost cry at work…) – there are a lot of things that are in your mind. I feel somehow bad to give you additional trouble in your currently very stressful life… >.< You are taking a lot in these days… actually since the beginning of this year… I just hope and wish that once you are in Canada, once you have started a new “chapter” in your life that things become more balance and “calm down”… Moreover, you have lost weight these days even though you said “it’s the ankle” *lol*

 

But as I said to you today – if you need someone to talk to or just only listen to – if you need to speak out things loud out before they drive you crazy in your mind – I am there – I can also just listen to you without questioning or suggestion anything (if you wish)… All I want is to be there for you – even if we are in distance...

And the good part is – in Canada you can finally download Viber – hence, we don’t need to have Skype subscriptions to make free phone calls *hehehe* I am there qq – I will be always there for you if you want me & still let me be a part of your life…

I know I was mad at you – mad at me – mad at us. But I think as long as we have each-other, even if it’s “free status” we are strong to face the next day and look into the mirror...

Hence, if you see me smiling – it’s not that I’m relief and happy – it’s because I haven’t lost pqy :)

Ooohhh – over first official face-to-face conversation will be this week-end. I’m sooo nervous. What will we be talking about? Actually, about a LOT!! But I don’t know where to start… What I know is that I don’t what it to be ended-up in “sadness” – I don’t want you to keep this in your memory. I won’t cry (^.^)v I’ll keep smiling & joking… Plus, will it be the last proper face-to-face talk with you while you are in BJ? 

Ooohhh – I don’t want that!! I wanna see you also on the day before you leave the house to the airport. I wanna see you. Also, when you are at the airport about to board in, as well as, when your airplane lands in Canada – I wanna be part of everything!! @.@

But I won’t be mad or disappointed if all these won’t be happening after all… I don’t have these rights anymore… even though you are still in my mind before I sleep and when I wake up the next day… ooohhh qq病… not that easy & simple to cure...

 p q y...